I'm jealous of your bromance
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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