If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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