Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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