Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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