Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
