so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
