We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
