seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
