I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I am morally bankrupt
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
