Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize