You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
