with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
