What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
