shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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