Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bet he comes in French.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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