My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
