Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
