Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
