Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
