you win again, gameday.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
