I just made out with a guy for $7.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
