We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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