I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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