i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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