sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
