Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
