his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize