Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
