does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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