Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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