Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
