Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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