Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need to stop coming to work sober
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
