Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
