Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
