She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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