i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So much Jack, so little girl.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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