I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
