Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's intense
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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