I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
