Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
