I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
