yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
