When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
