When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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