My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
