dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
