i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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