I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
