you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
