Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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