At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize