The maid of honor just puked.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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