just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
