Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
