Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this hospital has no fireball
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
