I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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