Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
