You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
