90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize