I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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