Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
