take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
