He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
