the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
tell me about the fingering
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