i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
