The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
