she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
