He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
