Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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