I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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