I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
