I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
