Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
