The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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