this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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