These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
