oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
