She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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