i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
