I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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