is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
